maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
