just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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