I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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