planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
