My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
