You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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