who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
