Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
