My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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