she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
