I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
