My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
