I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
