Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
