Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize