he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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