I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
