i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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