I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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