it was like his penis was on wheels.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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