I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
