Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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