even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
