I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
