Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
