dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
