dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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