Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
