she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
