I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
