we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
