There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
