I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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