I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize