My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
