I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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