There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
