I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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