Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
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