honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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