Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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