Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
