Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
