Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
