mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
