Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
