Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
