I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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