just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
