I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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