toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
