Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
