I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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