Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
