so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
