Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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