I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
