dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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