office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
