Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
