we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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