I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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