Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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