we have pet lesbian snakes
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
