McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
