I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
