in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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