I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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