He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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