You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
