dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
