ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
