If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
