So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just google imaged poop.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I look better un-naked...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize