I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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